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  • My wife says the honeymoon phase ends eventually. I told her I'm still holding out hope, twelve years in.
  • I asked my wife to rate our marriage out of ten. She said she'd need to consult with her lawyer before answering.
  • My wife said I should be more spontaneous. So I scheduled thirty minutes of spontaneity into next Tuesday's calendar.
  • I told my wife marriage is a partnership. She said great, then handed me her half of the chores, effective immediately.
  • My wife asked if I'd change anything about her. I said no, then immediately remembered the thermostat wars and reconsidered.
  • I asked my wife what she loves most about me. She thought for a long time, which I've chosen to interpret as thoroughness.

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