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More Family Jokes

  • I told my wife I'd take care of dinner tonight. That's why we're getting takeout, technically I did take care of it.
  • My daughter asked if I ever get embarrassed. I told her I gave up that feeling the day I became a parent.
  • My car's check engine light came on. I put a piece of tape over it. Problem solved.
  • My daughter asked why I check the weather app five times before leaving the house. I told her it's called due diligence.
  • I joined a gym six months ago. My membership card has seen more of the gym than I have.
  • My son wants a puppy for his birthday. I told him a puppy is a fourteen-year commitment, and he said that's fine, he'll be in college by then.

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