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  • I told my wife our love is like fine wine. She said that's sweet, then reminded me most of our wine comes from a box.
  • My wife said she'd marry me all over again. Then she saw the current state of the garage and asked for time to reconsider.
  • I told my wife I'm a simple man. She said that's the one thing about me she's never had to fact-check.
  • My wife's family visits every holiday without fail. I've started referring to the guest room as their timeshare.
  • I told my wife we're finally empty nesters. She said great, now I have to talk to you more, and neither of us is thrilled about it.
  • My wife asked if I remembered her birthday was coming up. I said of course, then immediately searched the calendar in a panic.

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